Out of control 11 year old

Hi Margaret

I'm Catherine, one of the Parent Supporters here at Netmums. Sorry to hear how tough it is. I can hear how worried you are. Are social services able to signpost your daughter to any other supports for her and the children, such as therapeutic supports or Parent support groups? Would the childrens' schools be able to offer any supports to her? You could signpost your daughter to the Young Minds website too. They have excellent resources and a helpline. Here is the link: Challenging Behaviour | Parents' Guide To Support | YoungMinds

Margaret, I've asked for your post to be moved into our drop in clinic, where I think you may get more support - hopefully some of our lovely community will be along to offer support but please come back to us if you would like to chat some more.

Catherine

Thanks.. All you mentioned have been tried.. They gave her a book "how to parent an 11 yr old"... School tried groups even him doing 1hour a day.

Hi Margaret

We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic child mental health, so you can get the advice and support you need

Hi Margaret,

have you looked into things such as ADHD? Autism? I’m not sure of your daughter’s circumstances but if everything else hasn’t worked then maybe there’s an actual underlying cause not just home life etc.

I experienced similar thing after becoming guardian for niece and nephew… kept getting dismissed as past trauma etc but in the end both diagnosed ADHD, and boy autistic and Foetal alcohol syndrome.

I work within this sphere.

you need to be specific about the safeguarding risks to the younger children and the harm it is doing. Your daughter sounds physically and mentally drained and jt is hard to show love when you’re just trying to survive as a result of your child’s needs.

Ask social care to seek a residential education setting as this is a stop gap between foster care and home. You can then start to build a relationship as it appears it has completely broken down. social care will push back - but, they have a legal duty here and it sounds like it is being failed.

If your daughter or your other grandchildren are at risk you can cal the police. There is no shame in this. It will keep everyone safe including your grandson

Her social worker is very "is he jealius, is he feeling unloved......".. The school even said to her they have never witnessed behaviour like his. Rampaging through school with nose bleed smearing blood on all doors, he is totally out control. He lived with me from 4 to 11 due to his mum unable cope. Even at primary school he had behavioural issues. With me he had routine and when i siad no it was no... However he went to secondary school for week and refused to come back to mine. He says real nasty stuff to me but I am old and heard worse. We done all the lustening therapies, the school even offered him 1 hour a day schooling. He tried another school with 1 hour they rang me and we had call police smashing school up. He is on a child protection and her two dauvhter are on safe guarding orders. I said ask for different social worker with different approach but viscious circle

So your daughter has 6 kids and 3 of them live with you ? (Sorry slightly confused )

Yes, thats right

My children are the same watermelon game and I'm also very worried.