Teen run away
5 answers /
Last post: 27/01/2024 at 11:15 pm
I'm in the UK. My 14 year old runs away whenever she gets punished. This is usually down to her skipping school, or using her phone inappropriately, or stealing.
She always runs to her friends houses. I reach out the the parents and ask they send her home, but she refuses. It puts the parents in uncomfortable positions.
So I call the police, who are no help what so ever. They keep telling me I have PR and its my responsibility to get her home. I'm aloud to walk into a person's house and use whatever force nessassary to bring my child home. But if I hurt her, it's child abuse.
Not to mention its also a bit WIERD me walking into somebody's house and starting WW3.
The police have told my daughter after brining her home once, that if this continues she will have to be placed into foster care.
She is currently at a friend's house after running away again, and refusing to come home. If I manage to get her home she will flee again.
I dont know what to do anymore! I don't know if I should call SS myself. What will happen? I can't keep living like this.
I also have an autistic child who I struggle with. And I'm having to constantly leave work due to the amount of breakdowns I'm having recently due to stress and worry.
Officially, broken mum 😔
Hi Luna,
I’m Lauren one of the parent supporters here on Netmums. I’m sorry to hear that things are so difficult with your daughter.
Have you had any support from social services so far? Or school? Or any other support services? If not that would be a good place to start.
Are you able to talk with her about what is going on? Will she give you reasons why she runs?
The NSPCC offer an advice line which could be really helpful to talk to about how to support her and manage her behchour. https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/reporting-abuse/nspcc-helpline/
Hopefully some other members will come along and share their experiences too
Have you tried to get her any type of counselling to try get to the root of her problem? Can any of the parents who’s house she runs to help you by talking to her
Hi, you sound so stressed, please know you're not alone x
Do her friends parents welcome her in? If she is being welcomed by them it makes it more difficult for you to stop her going there, but on the other hand at least if she's running to friends you know she's safe. Have you spoken to these other parents about the effect it's having on you and if she's giving them a reason why she's running to their houses?
It may be worth contacting Early Help. You can do this yourself or ask school to refer you. School may be a good place to go to for support.
I really hope you're able to get to the bottom of what is going on for her, then begin to work things out for all your sakes.
One thing is the possibility of her being neurodiverse also? It may be worth looking at Oppositional Defiant Disorder. She may not have it but some of the guidance/ advice may be helpful.
I always try to remember that a child's behaviour reflects a feeling, a need and is a way to communicate. But please don't forget to look after yourself too. X
It’s so hard isn’t it? I went through it with my son, the minute you try to discipline and lay boundaries they run away. The friends house she runs away to, are they good people? Or do they let the child get away with it? It seems like my son would disappear to the local idiots house, and they could get away with anything there. Again, like you say the police weren’t really bothered as long as he had somewhere to stay, he eventually got kicked out of school and it was like I had absolutely no control whatsoever. He didn’t care, the school had washed their hands of him, and I didn’t know where else to turn. I had early help involved, he used to laugh in their face, tell them he didn’t care and wasn’t bothered, he’d walk the streets at 3/4am while I would be out driving looking for him. Early help eventually rang social services, which they did try with him, but could see he didn’t care. He expressed that he wanted to live with his nan, to which she agreed and he started getting better, he eventually wanted to move back in but I said no as he would go back to his ways, constantly lying and he was being behaved then.
He then started messing about again eventually, smoking weed, not always turning up in time, and he was sleeping on the sofa. He then turned up at my house, shouting, swearing and calling me all sorts.
His dad took him in, and he doesn’t put up with any messing, a year down the line and it’s like he’s a total different child. He goes to college full time, has a little side job, he has okayish friends, still not the best. He stays in when he’s grounded, he speaks to me properly, and it’s a dream. He asked me about 6 months ago to live back in, but I know he will go back to his old ways, but for now we are both happy. I know it’s a really difficult time, but you will get there. Every day is a challenge, and everyday there’s always a horrible feeling of dread, but it will come good in the end.
