Life stay at home mum
10 answers /
Last post: 04/01/2024 at 11:51 pm
Please could someone give me advice.
I'm 28 I'm a single stay at home mum I have 2 sons 10 and 4 . My 10yr old don't see his dad because dad isn't interested. My 4yr olds dad I was with for 4-5yrs but he passed away year ago now. So I'm on my own . The 4 Year old is being diagnosed with autism I'm really struggling I think this is because maybe I have autism or ADHD aswell. Everyday I wake up bored I hate being in the house I allways want to be out doing something but everything I want to do cost money and I end up spending way to much I'm allways ordering things online to make me happy . I can never enjoy just being at home . My younger child gets over stimulated and climbs over me on the sofa kicks me then I get annoyed and possibly over stimulated aswell . And I feel like I take this out on my older child ,😞
I get really angry at small things like if something keeps falling out the cupboard lol. I haven't had a job since I was 18 but even then I can't hold down a job I struggle with it .
I have no friends I only talk to family
I feel like I'd like a have a friend but also I don't want one aswell.
I also feel like I have no life . I do nothing every day but clean clean clean ,😞.
I feel like I want something to change but i don't see a way of that happening.
What can I do ? Thank you if you read this far lol
Also I've put on some weight because when I'm bored the only thing I can think of doing is eating. I eat when I'm not even hungry.
Hi Emma,
We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic maternal mental health, so you can get the advice and support you need
Hi Emma
I'm Catherine, one of the Parent Supporters here at Netmums. Thanks for sharing with us - I'm sure lots of our community will resonate with what you have shared. Being a mum can be all consuming and we can lose sight of ourselves at times. It can be hard to meet new people and sustain friendships or interests when all your time and energy goes into caring for your kids. I wonder if you would feel comfortable reaching out to a mum at school or joining a local group? Having kids at the same school or being part of group where everyone has a shared interest can take some of the initial awkwardness away when getting to know others.
Emma, you've also mentioned you wonder if you might have Autism or ADHD - would you consider having a chat to your GP about this? Services can be stretched and waiting lists long, but most areas do now have adult pathways if this is something you think would be helpful to explore. You may also find the National Autistic Society Website a helpful resource: Adults (autism.org.uk)
Hopefully some of our lovely community will also be along soon to offer support too but do come back to us if you would like to chat some more.
Catherine
If you like cleaning maybe start your own business cleaning people's home's?
Gets you out of the house and you burn any excess energy off you might have plus means u can't spend!
I assume your children are in school, so you just need to locate some childcare for hoilday or around school time if you wanted to work outside of school hours...
If your claiming universal credit I belive they will cover 85% of your childcare costs to.
As for your 4 year old do lots of walking to burn their energy off... they might climb on you a bit less then..
As 4 friends I love mine they give me a break to go out with away from my kids or we do day trips n hoildays with my kids.
Sorry to hear you are feeling like this. Life sounds very overwhelming and this is making you feel down. I have a child with ASD and its hard work, he is now 12, my youngest is a bundle of energy at 9 and found one of the best things to do was to get them outside to burn off energy. They are less 'feral' once exercised 🤣
As for you, sounds like a bit of a rut, if you boys are at school/nursery. Have you though of doing some voluntary work to get yourself socialising or a few hours during day to build up your confidence and get away from just cleaning. That said, there is a lot of cash to be made from cleaning and you can do it as and when it suits you. Xx
I’m sorry I don’t have any advice, but this is something I could have written myself minus the ADHD part.
I used to go out for the sake of going out, pop to home bargains, B&M, Dunelm, costa, Starbucks, the outlet village, anywhere rather than being stuck in constantly, other than when I’m going out for work. My spending used to be so bad, £50 here, £20 there, just tap tap tap with the card, but nothing really to show for it. I used to go out for lunch about 4 times a week, so I wasted a lot on nothing.
Now, I’m opposite, I’m stuck in constantly, and I hate it, I get bored so easily, I just want to be out. I seem to sit in the sofa for hours, trying to pass the time while waiting to go to work. I’m trying to get my head around that it’s ok not to go out while the weather isn’t good, as it hasn’t been for around a week. I try to do some play time with my toddler instead.
The money that I used to spend on basically s**t, im now going to put it into savings, and try to use it for more family days out. I’m also trying to do more freebie things, and go to free places, for walks, or days out.
If you like cleaning maybe start your own business cleaning people's home's?
Gets you out of the house and you burn any excess energy off you might have plus means u can't spend!
I assume your children are in school, so you just need to locate some childcare for hoilday or around school time if you wanted to work outside of school hours...
If your claiming universal credit I belive they will cover 85% of your childcare costs to.
As for your 4 year old do lots of walking to burn their energy off... they might climb on you a bit less then..
As 4 friends I love mine they give me a break to go out with away from my kids or we do day trips n hoildays with my kids.
Hey I wish I liked cleaning lol. I wouldn't mind going for a walk but my son don't walk anywhere 😔 I have to carry him so he's in the pushchair most of the time
I’m sorry I don’t have any advice, but this is something I could have written myself minus the ADHD part.
I used to go out for the sake of going out, pop to home bargains, B&M, Dunelm, costa, Starbucks, the outlet village, anywhere rather than being stuck in constantly, other than when I’m going out for work. My spending used to be so bad, £50 here, £20 there, just tap tap tap with the card, but nothing really to show for it. I used to go out for lunch about 4 times a week, so I wasted a lot on nothing.
Now, I’m opposite, I’m stuck in constantly, and I hate it, I get bored so easily, I just want to be out. I seem to sit in the sofa for hours, trying to pass the time while waiting to go to work. I’m trying to get my head around that it’s ok not to go out while the weather isn’t good, as it hasn’t been for around a week. I try to do some play time with my toddler instead.
The money that I used to spend on basically s**t, im now going to put it into savings, and try to use it for more family days out. I’m also trying to do more freebie things, and go to free places, for walks, or days out.
Hey yeah I'm the same just constantly spending money on stuff I don't need just to get out the house. I wish i could be one of them people that Stay in and don't get bored lol
It never gets exciting, although building up your bank account might 😂.
What I’d advise is, give yourself days where you go out, and no spend days. Trust me it helps, I decide not to go out on a Monday, and Wednesday, although I should give myself an extra day, as Sunday seems to be a spend day for me.
