Should we keep trying for a baby

18 answers /

Last post: 05/02/2024 at 4:49 am

CATHY L(107)
Cathy L(107)
01/02/2024 at 10:55 am

Me and hubbie were planning on trying for a baby this year.


My sister has now announced she is getting married in 2025. Me and my sister do not get on. She has already let me know she does not want me as part of her wedding party.


I'm worried that if I get pregnant and have to miss the wedding (either due to being heavily pregnant or having a new born) it will be seen as me being spiteful. I don't think my mum will forgive me if I miss the wedding.


We have always kept our plans of having children between ourselves, as we did not want any additional pressure from our families, so our families are unaware of our plans.


Am I being unreasonable to put trying for a baby on hold to please my family?

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JACKIE B(8)
jackie b(8)
01/02/2024 at 4:20 pm

Hi Cathy, good luck trying for your baby. Don't put off because of your sisters wedding. You can always take baby there.

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SOPHIE G(490)
Sophie G(490)
01/02/2024 at 4:28 pm

Hey, don't put your love on hold on a what if. Getting pregnant isn't always straight forward or immediate. Live your life and it will work out

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LEANN D(9)
Leann D(9)
01/02/2024 at 4:31 pm

It sounds like you are massively overthinking it. And even if you were pregnant, or had already had a baby, at the time of your sister's wedding, neither of those things prevent you attending a wedding ceremony. There's no guarantee you will even get pregnant that quickly that it would be an issue. Don't put your plans on hold for what others might think about something that hasn't even happened yet. Live your life.

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PENNY A(88)
Penny A(88)
01/02/2024 at 4:34 pm

Please don’t put off trying - who knows how long it might take - could be a week, could be years - you just never know.

I don’t really understand why being pregnant or having a newborn would stop you attending a wedding though - you might not make the night do, but nothing to stop you attending the ceremony.

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LAURA S(195)
Laura S(195)
01/02/2024 at 4:51 pm

Don't out off trying for a baby if you are ready.


If you have a newborn, take the baby and use a sling to wear the baby (you can breastfeed in these too). I would then say you will come to the ceremony but due to the baby being so young, you won't stay for the reception. I would also use this option if you are heavily pregnant. Your partner can drive you both there and just keep your hospital bag in the car with your notes just in case. Just say you won't be able to stay for the reception.


Generally the ceremony and the photos is of about 2 hours so if you get the photographer to do the family photos first then you won't be hanging around for a long time after the ceremony.

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DEE R(84)
Dee R(84)
01/02/2024 at 7:25 pm

I agree with everyone who has responded to you. Please do no put of having a baby due to your sisters wedding. Whether you're pregnant or have a new born, you can still attend her wedding (yes you and baby, if arrived, will get a lot of attention) but do not put your happiness on hold due to your sisters wedding!

2
KATE J(44)
Kate J(44)
01/02/2024 at 7:54 pm

Unless it’s abroad (plane travel ) there’s no reason why you couldn’t go pregnant or with a baby .


Dont let anyone dictate your plans x

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CATHY L(107)
Cathy L(107)
02/02/2024 at 9:59 am
In answer to
Leann D(9)

It sounds like you are massively overthinking it. And even if you were pregnant, or had already had a baby, at the time of your sister's wedding, neither of those things prevent you attending a wedding ceremony. There's no guarantee you will even get pregnant that quickly that it would be an issue. Don't put your plans on hold for what others might think about something that hasn't even happened yet. Live your life.

Hi,


Thank you. I know you are right when you say I am overthinking. But the last few years have been very difficult with my sister, as they have convinced my family that everything I do is to intentionally ruin my sister's life. Whether it's getting promoted, moving homes etc. I'm just worried about the repercussions of "ruining" my sister's wedding.


But I really appreciate your advice, thank you.

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CATHY L(107)
Cathy L(107)
02/02/2024 at 10:00 am
In answer to
Dee R(84)

I agree with everyone who has responded to you. Please do no put of having a baby due to your sisters wedding. Whether you're pregnant or have a new born, you can still attend her wedding (yes you and baby, if arrived, will get a lot of attention) but do not put your happiness on hold due to your sisters wedding!

Hi,


Thank you. It's the attention that I am worried about! My sister is not going to like that one little bit. I just know she will accuse me of "ruining" her day.

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DEBBIE B(629)
Debbie B(629)
02/02/2024 at 10:46 am
In answer to
Cathy L(107)

Hi,


Thank you. I know you are right when you say I am overthinking. But the last few years have been very difficult with my sister, as they have convinced my family that everything I do is to intentionally ruin my sister's life. Whether it's getting promoted, moving homes etc. I'm just worried about the repercussions of "ruining" my sister's wedding.


But I really appreciate your advice, thank you.

People behaving like this are likely very insecure and immature


just continue to be your natural self, when speaking to other family members share that you are happy for your sister and the good experiences she creates in her life


frankly if someone can think it’s reasonable to accuse your good fortune of achieving a promotion or moving to a better home as grounds for attempting to ruin another persons life, geez they need to grow up and give their head a wobble


you have your life ahead of you and every right to aim for the things that make you happy.


can I ask is your sister older or younger than you? Am wondering if this pecking order is behind expectations of who should achieve what and when….

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CATHY L(107)
Cathy L(107)
02/02/2024 at 1:06 pm
In answer to
Debbie B(629)

People behaving like this are likely very insecure and immature


just continue to be your natural self, when speaking to other family members share that you are happy for your sister and the good experiences she creates in her life


frankly if someone can think it’s reasonable to accuse your good fortune of achieving a promotion or moving to a better home as grounds for attempting to ruin another persons life, geez they need to grow up and give their head a wobble


you have your life ahead of you and every right to aim for the things that make you happy.


can I ask is your sister older or younger than you? Am wondering if this pecking order is behind expectations of who should achieve what and when….

my sister is two years younger than me

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KIRK P(2)
Kirk P(2)
02/02/2024 at 5:27 pm

Keep trying for the baby.


Stop trying to please the rest of your family.


And don't go to your sister's wedding.


If anyone accuses you of trying to spoil the day, reply that yes, you are, as you've finally decided that it's time you listened to your family and do what they expect of you.

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MALINDA L
Malinda L
02/02/2024 at 6:21 pm

You are being completely unreasonable. You and your husband made a decision together about your next steps, and you are changing your mind to keep your mom and sister happy. If were your husband, I would seriously reconsider the relationship and whether I wanted to have kids with you at all. If you're letting them call the shots before the baby is even born, there will be no boundaries later and no end to the ways you'll roll over for them after baby is here. Your HUSBAND is supposed to be your family. Your sister shouldn't get a vote in what goes on in your bedroom.

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BECKY N(2427)
Becky N(2427)
02/02/2024 at 6:36 pm

Unless she's planning a wedding abroad then you can go to wedding both pregnant and with a newborn. I'll be going to a wedding at the end of July around a month before I'm due and then my brothers wedding is half-way through October and I'll have a 6/7 week old. Also attended plenty of weddings with my two elder daughters and it was never a problem.

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