Hubby and parent issues
8 answers /
Last post: 08/02/2024 at 2:00 am
Hi everyone I’m new to this … don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone who knows us so just wanted some advice ( sorry in advance for the long message !)
I have been with my hubby coming on 10 years and it hasn’t always been plain sailing . My dad has Asperger’s and my mum has the patience of a saint but I think she’s been with dad so long she doesn’t know any different now . A couple of years ago we let my parents lives with us for what we thought was going to be a few weeks and it turned into 6 months . Needless to say towards the end it was a nightmare and my husband couldn’t cope with my dad anymore so they ended up leaving before their new home was ready . I could at times see my hubbys issues but at the end of the day it was my dad and I felt caught between the two. Fast forward 2 years and things are better but today my parents let themselves in our house with their key without asking us and cleaned our house . I know they thought they were doing something nice but my hubby feels as nice as the gesture is they shouldn’t have done it without asking first -he said it takes him right back to when they lived in our home and my dad would overstep the mark all the time . Iv tried to be in the middle and see both sides but I just end up arguing with my hubby because he doesn’t understand how I don’t see it entirely from his point of view . Weve had issues with his family over the years and he said he has actively taken us out of situations now where a repeat issue could happen so he sees it as he acts to protect us but I don’t . I could on all night sorry , just need some advice.
It’s always a hard situation when it comes to parents in a relationship as me and my husband have issues to when it comes to addressing overstepped parents but I understand how your husband feels and maybe just thank them for cleaning the house but also point out that they need to know boundaries to, it’s such a hard topic because you don’t want to upset either parties
It’s always a hard situation when it comes to parents in a relationship as me and my husband have issues to when it comes to addressing overstepped parents but I understand how your husband feels and maybe just thank them for cleaning the house but also point out that they need to know boundaries to, it’s such a hard topic because you don’t want to upset either parties
You are right it’s so tricky , I love my parents but my dad doesn’t know boundaries at times - he will waltz around the house and have little regard sometimes for what my husband asks - and if he is pulled about it he is shocked and confused which then just makes the situation worse . Horrible when you’re caught between your husband and your parents .
Would you be completely comfortable with your husbands parent letting themselves into your house, unannounced and uninvited and, say, rearranging your furniture, or tidying out your drawers? It’s exactly the same thing. If you wouldn’t like his parents doing it, and god knows I would ABSOLUTELY HATE IT, you cannot let it pass from your own parents. Your marriage has to be top of your priorities, and sometimes parents have to be told to back off. They’ve effectively told you both, with their actions, that your home is dirty and untidy and I don’t know how that wouldn’t annoy the hell out of you.
Sorry, lovely, but if a mil did this most dils would hit the roof. He is right. It is a massive intrusion and violation of privacy. Try to imagine your in-laws doing the same. I don’t mean to be harsh but I really feel for your partner. X
Hi
So sorry you’re stuck in the middle. I can see where your husband is coming from but at the same time I couldn’t say anything to my parents if they came and cleaned my house.
To save much hassle and strife maybe change the lock on the door they have a key to. If they try to let themselves in again and they can’t just say “oh sorry did I mention we had to change the lock? The other on broke. Orr the key broke in the other one”🤷🏻♀️
If they ask for a key apologise and say you don’t have anymore spare. And before they tell you to make a spare Just say something like “ring us next time before you come and we’ll make sure we’re in”
i’m sure they’ll get the message.
Win-win yes?
I get how you feel & I’ve been in a similar situation so I know how tough it is but I think you have to side with your husband here. The reason I say this is firstly because it’s his home just as much as it is yours but secondly, and probably more importantly, because if you have been in situations with his family where he has stopped them & backed your family unit I think you have to do the same.
I totally get how you feel but certain members of my family walked into our home & did something completely unacceptable a long time ago & it changed my feelings on things completely. Our doors are always locked(even when we’re in) & nobody has keys. We have a key safe so I could give somebody the code in an emergency but I’ve never had to yet & if I had to I’d change the code after just in case.
Personally I’d be straight & just ask for the key back & tell them what they did is unacceptable, maybe just have a conversation with your mom?
I have to agree with your husband. My in laws did something very similar but they never cleaned the house, they did renovations. Renovations that they thought we wanted but we didn’t. I think they should have at least mentioned it to you.
