Won’t pay child maintenance and custody.

10 answers /

Last post: 16/02/2024 at 8:05 am

07/01/2024 at 10:32 pm

I really need some help/advice.

when my daughter was 10 months old my long term partner (her father) decided he didn’t want to be in this relationship anymore. Ever since I was pregnant he changed and the relationship got worse and worse and unfortunately I suffered a great deal of mental abuse and barely to no support with the baby.

because I trusted the relationship etc I left my job after maternity to care for her, especially as the job was not practical I’d have a family.

we own a house together - when he decided that was it I was totally left in the dark. He then decided expected me to pay half my mortgage and bills etc which was literally impossible. He agreed to pay a little bit more towards that but refused to pay any child maintenance. His argument, he has her enough to not need to pay any.

I have her full time

Monday day night

Tuesday day night

Wednesday day night

Thursday day (he has her Thursday night)

Friday day (he has her Friday night)

Saturday day night

Sunday day night

then when it’s his weekend he does Saturday day night drops her off Sunday afternoon

he has already changed days/nights etc a handful of times and always within a days notice or the same day!!

he black mails me with the fact he helps a small amount more towards mortgage until it sells and I’m left crippled with fear of being anything up due to the traumatic relationship.

in an ideal world because she’s so young I’d rather have her full time to help her sleeping routine and everything and he has her every other weekend. And he then pay his fair child maintenance. (I don’t care if it’s £50 or £200)

im not on universal credit but after bills etc I can barely pay for food for us. It’s humiliating.

I need help. I know he should pay but the back fire is scary. Do I take this legally?

SAM P(513)
Sam P(513)
11/01/2024 at 11:07 am

So mon-friday he has her 2 nights, call that 24hrs (1 day) and every other weekend another 24 hrs for arguments sake.

Week 1 is 24 hrs

Week 2 is 48hrs

He legally has to pay you child maintenance. You can go through CMS for this.

As for the mortgage, i assume it is in both of your names so you should both be paying your share. This would come down to what you were bothing paying before maternity and how the proceeds of the house will be split upon sale. For this I would really advise seeing a solicitor and seeing what legal aid you can get while you are not working. They can also deal with a mutual agreement on child support if not going through CMS.

You live at the property so all bills are your responsibility unfortunately and this will where the child maintenance will realistically go.

It really is a horrid situation and i hope you all the best.

EMMA K(22)
Emma K(22)
15/01/2024 at 12:23 pm

Hi, your ex has a statutory obligation to pay child maintenance which would be based on his gross income and the number of overnight stays he has. If you had 50/50 care neither would have to pay child maintenance.

You have not provided figures so I cannot answer your query defiitivately, but say his statutory obligation for child maintenance is £400 a month, if he vacates the family home and it is in joint names, but contiued to pay more than £400 towards the mortgage, the CMS will count this as him having met his liabilty. He would not have to pay 50% of the mortgage and CMS. If his 50% of the mortgage is less than his CMS liability, then he would need to pay you a top up payment. To be clear, he has no liabilty to pay council tax, water, heating once he moves out either as he is not using the utiltiies. You should make a claim for Universal credits. Google "turn 2 us calculator" as that's great for benefits.

I know this will not sound fair, but the Government will look at it that he has to pay to live elsewhere now and you have full benefit of a jointly owned property.

NB if anyone else is reading this - if you are living in a property owned in the sole name of the non resident parent, whether you are married or not, then the non resident parent who owns the propety would be liable for the mortgage as well as child maintenance (albeit you may have a beneficial interest in the property if you are married or under TLATA).

OP - call the CMS and they can talk you through this. The more overnight stays he has, the less money he is liabile to pay. Personally, I'd not let him use me for free childcare on the day between his two overnights as you ar enabling him to reduce his maintenance.

I am qualified to answer this query as I am a family lawyer.

SARAH R(2504)
Sarah R(2504)
15/01/2024 at 12:37 pm

Claim universal credit. Pretty simple to do.

claim child maintenance through CMS.

but, he is also within his rights to not pay half the bills. He’ll remain responsible for some of the mortgage but 50% would be considered reasonable. He isn’t really responsible for other bills though.

JO B(7)978743
Jo B(7)978743
15/01/2024 at 6:04 pm

Hi there,

im so sorry your going through this with such a young little one. My ex threatens things with child maintenance too, except he’s threatened to kill himself, give up work etc . Go to the child maintenance service and also speak with a solicitor if possible. I know they charge the earth but with some you can get an hour free . If he shows a controlling nature speak with womens aid as they can help with a solicitor that they use. Everything is completely confidential and they are very good with listening . Things will get easier , honestly x

Kelly M(73)
16/01/2024 at 1:35 pm

I’m not clued up on how it works with mortgage and bills money and how it works as never been married but I do have a child who I was taken to court for by my ex and after alienating her and coercing her at 8 years old into wanting to live with him I didn’t fight a second time (please no judgement I had a nervous breakdown after a bad miscarriage at the same time of court proceedings) I decided to allow my daughter not to choose well after it was finalised at court he hit me with CMS I was earning 22k and have 2 other children in my care from current relationship and still have to pay £221 per month (I have no contact so that increases my payments) I would never not pay as that is for her and he should still have to pay towards his daughter they don’t care he has a mortgage or rent to pay it is based on how many nights he has her not how many days etc. so it averages on 6 nights a month. I would definitely call them



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Deborah W(421)
31/01/2024 at 1:43 pm

I've just read new rules on child M... Google it, threats and control made by any parent over Child M will be dealt with.

Sena J
05/02/2024 at 12:29 pm

Yes , you do should go court. If you had home together, you are entitled to 50/50. If you went court it will be 50/50. If your name is on mortgage 💯, you are entitled to it. If you can prove you were paying towards mortgage. If u were married don’t have prove anything. Feel sorry for you, In regards to your child it will be 50/50 that stupid ***** law in Australia. If he works for himself, doesn’t declare tax your screw. Best thing I would suggest is go Centrelink and claim single mothers pension. And claim 💯 full care of family assistance. Being in your situation. Got start to get tough they care about you or child. It’s about revenge and it get nasty. Sorry for being hard man can horrible and nasty human beings. My child miss out for years , put his tax bracket down so I got ***** all. Look after yourself and your kid ok

JADE T(259)
Jade T(259)
06/02/2024 at 9:46 am

hello, ive just registered on here to find people that are in similar situations to myself, wondering how your doing x

Erica P(3)
16/02/2024 at 8:05 am

I'm really sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing. It sounds like you're dealing with a difficult situation, both emotionally and financially. It's completely understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed and unsure about what steps to take next.

Seeking legal advice could be a good idea to understand your rights and options in this situation. A family law attorney can provide guidance on issues like child custody, child support, and property division. They can help you navigate the legal process and advocate for your rights and the best interests of your daughter.

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