Caught my boyfriend cheating

29 answers /

Last post: 15/02/2024 at 1:50 pm

AMY T(2)
Amy T(2)
15/01/2024 at 6:30 am

I caught my partner cheating a couple of months ago. It was messages on his phone between him and a woman who works at the same place he does. I confronted him and he promised to never speak to this woman again and to block and delete her number. Many things happened between then and now but to this day I do not know if he ever met up outside of work, if they have kissed or had sex. I have only the messages as information because he denies it all.

Ultimately I decided to move on, forgive but not forget.

The other day I looked on his phone and there was a message from her. I was furious and decided it was the end and I wasn't going to take the disrespect amd disloyalty anymore. He however is trying to convince me that she must have messaged him by mistake and that he hasn't spoken to her for months. He didn't realise she wasn't blocked on WhatsApp.

This woman is married with a child and I have her phone number and her husbands fb account. I want to confront this woman myself and let her know I can just as easily contact her husband too. I dont know what's stopping me but something is. Maybe fear that she will actually tell the whole truth whereas he never will. (I am pretty sure he is narcisstic so even confronting him with black and white won't get him to tell the truth.)

She has always known him to be in a relationship with children. I have been to his work many times and met everyone they work with. She conviently was never there mind you. So, I guess my point is, she wasn't duped into messaging him thinking he was single and available and the only thing she was putting at risk was her own family.

I guess I just want advise on whether I should call this woman and let her know I know everything and I have proof and if she isn't willing to tell me the truth then she needs to stop contacting him or I will send everything to her husband.

Should I do it?

STEVE B(181)
Steve B(181)
16/01/2024 at 5:04 pm

You could achieve whatever you want to achieve... or you could open a can of worms you didn't expect. If that happens, you can't undo it, so if you do act it has to be for the right reasons. Revenge may not be one of them. Finding out the truth about your partner and whether he is really carrying on behind your back would be a more justifiable reason.

I would ask you whether you trust your partner when he says it was an 'accident'. Remember, he can avoid contacting her by WhatsApp because he can see her in person at work, and you have no way of knowing what he is saying to her there. Humans have instinct for a reason, and it's more often right than wrong.

ERIN M(4)246908
Erin M(4)246908
17/01/2024 at 6:07 pm

Definitely, I’d confront her but you need to be prepared for what she will tell you,

good luck I hope everything works out x

SARAH I(268)
Sarah I(268)
17/01/2024 at 6:09 pm

I wouldn't bother....what's it going to do or achieve....karma will deal with things like that

TIA L(16)
Tia L(16)
17/01/2024 at 6:20 pm

First of all the woman has no loyalty to you, it’s your husband that hasn’t been loyal to you, secondly you won’t achieve anything from trying to get answers you will just hurt more. My advice would be send her husband all the proof you have & she will have to deal with the mess she has made in her family, I also think you should concentrate on yourself & realise that you deserve more & move on from your husband or you will always be looking over your shoulder & that’s not a way to live once the trust is gone it’s gone, he’s clearly proven he doesn’t respect you or your feelings & still been in contact with her again. So hold your head high knowing you’ve done nothing wrong let yourself heal & move on, I know it’s going to be hard but better to heal a broken heart than have it constantly trampled on. I wish you all the best with whatever you decide.

JO B(7)978743
Jo B(7)978743
17/01/2024 at 6:23 pm

I’m so sorry you’re going through all this. I had the same years ago and I ended the marriage , not just for that reason mind you. As you’ve mentioned he’s narcissistic and won’t tell you the truth, that’s not a good sign that you have trust in him . Relationships are supposed to be built on trust and going from personal experience the not knowing will drive you mad . There is nothing wrong with asking the woman in question what has been going on and if you go at it from a calm perspective, as you never know what she has been told in relation to you . You need to carefully think that maybe this woman has been fed lies so going in like a bull in a china shop won’t help the situation . It’s never right for anyone to cheat whilst in a relationship and ultimately only you know how it’s really made you feel. Go with your gut on this and do what you feel is right , but in a dignified way, no arguing etc . Hope you get things sorted and just remember if things don’t work out the way you hope , hold that head high as you are worth much more than that x



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Janine G(116)
17/01/2024 at 6:32 pm

I would it will make you gain control ,I did I confronted the female out side her child's school gate ,she tried to be clever with me so I slapped her and told the other mums to watch there men as she is attracted to taken men .

And good luck sweetheart .

Claire A(858)
17/01/2024 at 6:35 pm

There’s no trace on WhatsApp once it’s deleted, so no phone bill to check etc.

You could contact her to try and find the truth but remember to stay calm, she will probably tell you if you threaten to tell her husband or she may lie as much as your partner but do stay calm about it, you don’t know what type of people they are.

And lastly, are you sure that you want to know ? You do already know as much as you NEED to, that he’s a liar and cheater.

Gillian C(54)
17/01/2024 at 6:38 pm

No. Nope. Definitely not. An absolutely terrible idea.

Samantha P(1467)
17/01/2024 at 6:42 pm

Honestly I wouldn’t waste my breath. He’s the one that cheated and lied, is u would believe what the woman said then what’s the point of staying with ur partner anyway. I’ve been in ur position and while you think you’ll feel better u may not. I’d leave karma to it and move on from him and her

Can't find your answer?
CARLY P(182)
Carly P(182)
17/01/2024 at 6:50 pm

I would, I would do it calmly and ask if she’s willing to meet and talk somewhere away from kids.

But only to try and ascertain her side and if your husband has been lying. But….she may not tell you the truth either.

I wouldn’t be able to go on without trying to find the truth. I’d always wonder.

i left my husband after he slept with a mutual friend.

I wouldn’t tell her partner. That’s not your place. And looks sour.

Remember she has kids too in the middle of this.

No one can tell you what’s right for you but with no trust left I would probably think about ending things. You deserve the truth and respect.

17/01/2024 at 7:27 pm

Definitely call her, shes a disgrace when she knew his situation and she’s married too, no morals. seriously they both need shaming, then move on without him

LAURA H(2626)
Laura H(2626)
17/01/2024 at 8:13 pm

I would message her. Be calm. She doesn’t owe you anything though but being a woman and unaware of what your partner could be saying to either of you.

my partner lied to me about sleeping with someone just before we got together. Told me he happened months before but in fact days before. I found the girl and messaged her as we actually went to school together. The sent me screenshots and told me everything (she avoided some cringey screenshots of what she sent 🙈) but she was the one who confirmed he still lied to me even when caught out.

good luck. Let us know what you choose to do x

Florence E(4)
17/01/2024 at 9:06 pm

Yes do it

Rebecca G(927)
17/01/2024 at 9:10 pm

Stay classy


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